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Get Comfortable with Silence to Improve How You Communicate
Silence during conversation can be awkward. Some silence is necessary – to separate words, to begin a new thought, to volley the conversation back into the other person’s court.
But sometimes we are so uncomfortable with silence that we fill that empty space with unnecessary words. The standard ‘um’ or ‘uh’ or ‘like’ come to mind as typical silence fillers.
Other than being a little obnoxious, they don’t really cause significant harm… other than creating a diminished perception of the person’s communication skills.
But there are some other silence fillers that can cause significant harm. They are often decoded by the listener to mean something far different than what you might have intended.
Common conversation fillers that may be misperceived include:
- “With all due respect” means that I’m getting ready to say something that will probably offend you and may even mean that I don’t respect you at all.
- “But” places conditions on what I just said; disqualifies what would otherwise be a firm opinion.
- “Seriously” indicates that I may not have been serious about what I said before.
- “Honestly” or “truthfully” call into question the integrity of the other things I say.
- ”So”, “Ok”, and “You know” used repeatedly do not add value and may even serve as a distraction from your overall message.
If you are guilty of overusing these, try some simple techniques to change how you respond to silence. The goal is to get more comfortable with the sound of silence.
Begin by being aware of how you respond in a conversation. Mindful practice in a variety of settings and a good friend who helps you monitor will help you make significant progress.
As you become more aware of your speech, make a conscious effort to replace filler words with a pause instead. Pausing before you respond will give you a chance to actually think about how you’ll answer.
For many people, a small amount of time spent in silence can feel like an eternity. Remember that nobody is perfect when it comes to communication. And that everybody can get better.
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